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Josh Peck could have been Twilight's Edward, the nipple is Kim K's new SKIMS obsession & Drake had Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston cook up cocktails for his birthday party
The best cringe news of the past week according to yours truly.
We did it, Joe. Here’s Cringe’s first ever podcast episode! You can listen to it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, but in case you prefer neither, here’s the recording free for you to listen to via Substack:
In this first episode we put our own cringe to the test and discuss what embarrassing things have happened to us lately, if we’d rather go viral for a failed robbery or being investigated for shitting at a friend’s wedding, and what’s inspiring our next issue.
We’d love to know what you think, what you’d like to hear more of, and where you find yourself listening to the episode in the comments or by DM’ing us if you’re shy x
Now without further ado, let’s get into this week’s newsletter:
WYR get $500,000 or have lunch with Jay-Z?
Georjia: I know how influential Jay-Z is, but I feel like if I go to lunch with Jay-Z the last thing I want to talk about is work or anything like that. When I have lunch with friends it’s a good time to gossip, laugh and have fun and I would like to have that with Jay-Z. I think with all the capitalism and Forbes net worth lists it can blind us in seeing how much money things are. $500,000 is still A LOT of money, might not be a lot for Jay-Z but it’s a lot of money for me - at least for those of us who weren’t blessed with generational wealth or started taking TikTok seriously during the pandemic. I’d take the money and hopefully down the line Jay-Z would ask me to lunch.
Annika: This question triggers start-up bro energy for me. A start-up bro would surely say that having lunch with Jay-Z is more valuable, because of all the connections and wisdom he could provide you with, which would of course inevitably result in double, maybe even triple this amount in future returns! (!!!!!) Because I’m not a start-up bro though, I would rather get the $500,000 and bounce. I’m also not even sure if I’d enjoy having lunch with Jay-Z; sure, it’d be great for the lore, and I’d love to ask him what he thinks about Drake ruining hip hop, but I think I’d be too pissed off thinking about how he is one of countless men who have treated their female partners terribly and for what? I’m getting angry just thinking about it - let me have the $500,000 and leave me alone.
Emily: Personally, this is an easy one for me! I'd take $500,000 over lunch with Jay-Z (arguably the lesser half of one of the world's most successful power couples). Although I'd be sad to lose my chance to ask him about Becky with the Good Hair, but not sad enough to lose out on half a million!
As the clocks went back last night, have you decided to spend your extra hour staring at the ceiling while lying in bed? Flexing your brain and activating those neurons by imagining a chess board à la The Queen’s Gambit? Need some rest after all this concentrating by balancing it out with some meaningless content from the internet? No worries friend, we got you.
Here are our favourite headlines you can bring up during conversations you’d rather not have:
We could not not feature this iconic Would you rather in this week’s newsletter: CBS Mornings asked Jay-Z the viral question “$500,000 or have lunch with Jay-Z?”, to which he replied:
“You gotta take the money ... I wouldn't tell you to cut a bad deal. Like, take the $500,000, go buy some albums, and listen to the albums. It's all there. If you piece it together and really listen to the music for the words, well, what it is, it's all there.”
Gaining increasingly more second-hand knowledge about Britney Spears by reading other people’s tweets about her memoir ‘The Woman in Me’. With all the Justin Timberlake drama that has finally come to the surface, the worst bit about him according to Georjia (who actually read the memoir in a day) is that
“he made her get an abortion at home so the press wouldn’t find out and while she was crying in pain hunched over a toilet he got his guitar out and started singing to her thinking that would make her feel better.”
A sliver of justice for Britney: Everything that has come out about Justin Timberlake halted a “big comeback” he had planned (a comeback for whom, we’re not so sure).
This week’s palate cleanser: The Derry Girls made a surprise appearance at a Fatboy Slim gig (in case you haven’t seen Derry Girls or don’t remember, in the show’s penultimate episode, the girls were desperately trying to get their hands on tickets for a Fatboy Slim Halloween party concert).
Not a fan of his music but you gotta give it to him, this is a great idea: Drake got Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston from Breaking Bad to bartend for his birthday party. Makes you wonder what other things they were cooking up. See more videographic evidence.
If there is a god, they’ve got a great sense of humour when they decide to actually show up: Watch Shakira’s cheating ex Gerard Pique falling down a hole by the stage at the launch of his Kings League Americas competition.
Every day famous men make it harder not to turn into misandrists: Jimmy Kimmel pointed out a little chip in Olivia Rodrigo's tooth after looking at the vinyl cover of her album. #journalism <3
Josh Peck revealed on the ‘Good Guys’ podcast that he originally auditioned for Edward in Twilight and was in fact 1 of the 4 finalists. Wondering if he would have complained about how stupid the film series was as much as Robert Pattinson.
Fellas, is it stupid to feel nothing but deep frustration and despair at the fact that capitalism’s endless pursuit of profit is making us work more, not less, without any prospects of ever safely owning a home, building a family, going on holiday or even just having regular, restorative leisure time? Bootlickers on Twitter seem to think so as they respond to a college graduate breaking down as this reality hits her.
Second palate cleanser, coincidentally also music-related: Snoop Dogg, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly performing ‘Boats ‘N Hoes’ from Step Brothers at a concert.
Is Kim Kardashian making her way through a new list of body parts with SKIMS? If so, first up we have nipples. Would highly recommend this quick analysis by the brilliant @kardashian_kolloquium about the new ad.
NBC has reported that Google searches for sexuality queries such as "Am I gay?" and "Am I lesbian?" have increased by 1,300% since 2004. Creasing at the picture Pop Base chose to accompany the story:
That’s it for this week! Feel free to let us know what cringe content, memes, and headlines you’ve been enjoying lately. Until then, we’ll see you in your inbox next Sunday!
Your Cringe Team x