Katy Perry is beefing the frail again for her real estate greed, Joe Rogan's first good take is on Barbie & the Battle of Montgomery chair
The best cringe news of the past week according to yours truly.
Hello friend,
We’re actually horrified at where the time’s gone: Tomorrow marks the week we’re hosting our first-ever in-person launch! The event will be at Photobookcafe in Shoreditch, one of our favourite social places for all things print. We’ll bring some back copies alongside copies of our most recent issue, so feel free to come say hi and flick through our Cringe editions with us!
Now without further ado, let’s get into this week’s newsletter:
WYR accidentally sell your house while high on pain meds or get hit by a chair during the Montgomery Brawl?
Georjia: Accidentally selling your house while high on pain meds is another level of insanity, like how did you get that far?? Selling a house takes months to do so am I high for that whole time? The Montgomery Brawl will be remembered for a long ass time, it was just so wild. Getting hit with a chair means I must’ve done something to deserve it and it won’t cause as much damage as losing my home. I’ll get hit with a chair.
Annika: The pain of getting hit by a chair is nowhere near as bad as accidentally selling away your house when you weren’t actually 100% sure of what’s going on. I do have to admit though that this also depends on who it is I’m getting hit by - I obviously wouldn’t want to be on the side of the pontoon boat full of white men this refers to, in which case I’d rather take the money from selling a house. Getting hit by a chair means temporary pain, sure, but my involvement in the Montgomery Brawl would forever be immortalised on the internet and weigh on my conscience, so honestly? I’d rather sell the house.
WATERCOOLER CHATS
Have you been mourning the end of summer, soaking up those last sunrays before we head into autumn? Wearing sunglasses with your coat on just to hold onto it a litte longer? Preparing for the hibernation period in which we’ll inevitably be forced to leave our otherwise protective cocoon to face the world?
No worries friend, we got you.
Here are our favourite headlines you can bring up during conversations you’d rather not have:
In case you’re unaware of the Montgomery Brawl which caused both shock and joy on the internet this week, here’s a brief description by the BBC:
Damien Pickett was a co-captain of the Harriett II, a riverboat carrying over 200 passengers that needed to dock but couldn't. A much smaller pontoon boat was wrongfully docked in the Harriett II's designated space.
The occupiers of the pontoon boat were white men. Instead of moving their pontoon, they decided to hit Mr Pickett.
But before police could arrive and quell the violence, chaos erupted. Roughly two dozen people had joined the fight.
(…)
Mr Harriot said: "If you're on social media, you see a million videos of police brutality against black people, you see a million videos of people calling the police on black people for walking through white neighbourhoods… it is rare to see such an explicit example of justice being meted out."
Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom are going to trial with an 83-year-old veteran with Huntington disease, who sold them their house 2 months after he moved in, but claims he was on painkillers from back surgery when he signed the contract and ‘lacked the mental capacity to understand the nature and probable consequences of the contract.’ Looks suspicious as Perry has been down this road before: In 2015, she had beef with Roman Catholic nuns over her purchase of a convent in Los Angeles. Weird expensive hobby if you ask us.
A quick follow-up on news of actors and writers striking in Hollywood: Meryl Streep and George Clooney helped lead a donation campaign for the actors affected by the strikes.
One thing that wasn’t on our 2023 celebrity bingo card was that many seem to be diagnosed with Lyme Disease, or even “chronic” Lyme disease as is the case with Bella Hadid. This is despite the fact that “chronic Lyme disease” is generally rejected by the medical science community. Why do celebrities seem to get so disproportionately infected by ticks? Or as one redditor put it: What are these LA-based celebrities doing in forests & bushes anyway?
Amidst all the Barbie backlash for how Barbies treat their Kens, we weren’t expecting final boss podcast bro Joe Rogan to say the reactions to the move are ‘appalling’:
“A lot of people are upset about the Barbie movie, and I left [the theatre] perplexed,” Rogan stated, calling the movie “interesting” and “original.”
“It was a fun, silly movie — I laughed. But at the end of it, I was like, ‘How did people get outraged at that?’” he continued. “I know some people personally who said it’s anti-men, I’m like, ‘No, it’s making fun of dorks.’”
Close enough for us!
Palate cleanser of the week: Anxious dog in elevator-jingle.
OK it’s all getting a bit meta for us, but apparently High School Musical’s Troy and Gabriella are in ‘couples therapy’ during the final season of ‘High School Musical: The Musical: The Series’. Honestly long overdue and probably realistic. Happy for Sharpay though.
You know just as well as us that Swifties love a bit of drama: The most recent addition to Taylor Swift lore is fans spotting Karlie Kloss in the nosebleeds instead of receiving the The Eras Tour VIP treatment like other celebrities.
Lil Tay’s return from obscurity was perhaps as surprising as the fake story that was circulating around about her being dead. An Instagram post on her profile announced the deaths of her and her half-brother, however, Lil Tay told TMZ that she wasn’t dead, and that her account had been hacked. True story or messed up marketing scheme? We’re not sure we’ll ever know.
CRINGE MEME
Brough to you by the Montgomery Brawl, a masterpiece:
That’s it for this week! Feel free to let us know what cringe content, memes, and headlines you’ve been enjoying lately. Until then, we’ll see you in your inbox next Sunday!
Your Cringe Team x