Melbourne smells like cum, Mexican Week disaster at the Great British Bake-Off & gay Velma!
Queer headlines, baking disasters, and unexpected references: what we've been cringing at and celebrating this week.
Hello friend,
Only one more day before our official Cringe deadline! If you have any art submissions you want to make sure we include before putting the magazine together, send them our way at cringe.editorial@gmail.com <3
This week’s newsletter is full of queerness, unexpected references and the usual Tory chaos. It might not be October 3rd anymore, but nevertheless: Get in loser, we’re going to Cringe town.
WYR smell like cum for one season of the year or get roasted after a long awaited face reveal?
Georjia: Both are shit, let’s be honest here. But that’s the point of a Would You Rather. I just know hiding your face from millions then people roasting it would probably be not only my 13th reason, but my 14th, 15th and 16th. I don’t think I could take that many hating on me - I don’t think it’s a human capability to do so. Smelling like cum is awful, but only for a season? I could deal with that. It’s called hibernation, baby, and I need a reason to do it. “I’ll see you in 3 months” I’d say as I go into my lil cave (bedroom) and stay there chilling happily. My sense of smell is weak and almost non-existent so it wouldn’t bother me.
Klaidas: Hmm, I think I’d have too much anxiety for a long awaited face reveal to then be roasted by nearly a million people, although the memes would be funny. If I would smell like cum for one season, I would literally not depart my house for that period and it would probably be gross. So for the memes, I’d rather be roasted after a face reveal.
Annika: Ok hear me out: No one wants to smell like cum. I get it. But from a utilitarian standpoint, a face that is roastable is permanent - cum season isn’t. Also, maybe I’d be able to convince myself that smelling like cum is very rock’n’roll, actually, and if I take up smoking maybe the mixture of both will give me a certain mystique. I’m sure Eva Babitz smelled like cigarettes and cum for a period of her life. Maybe I’m just terrified of the idea of thousands of strangers scrutinising my face. Maybe I’m a pragmatist. Either way, cum it is!
WATERCOOLER CHATS
Have you been mourning the loss of the Great British Bake-Off’s innocence? Screaming-crying-throwing-up at SNL’s skit on the Try Guy scandal which was in such poor taste, only a coked-up team of frat boys could’ve created it? Are you itching to hear about what else has been happening this week to eliminate any internet FOMO? No worries friend, we got you.
Here are our favourite headlines you can bring up during conversations you’d rather not have:
This is not a drill: Melbourne smells like cum. Apparently their ornamental pear trees give off a slightly sweet scent to attract bees. According to Vice:
“In the case of the ornamental pear, what you're smelling is trimethylamine and dimethylamine, both of which smell like ammonia. And the twist in the story is that there's ammonia in semen.”
From peeling avocados with a knife to wearing sombrerors: Mexican Week at the Great British Bake Off has been nothing short of a car crash no one can stop themselves from looking at. Btw - who decided to make tacos instead of - I don’t know - empanadas, orejas, or anything else that they actually solely have to bake on a baking show?
Charlie Puth hilariously said that the LGBTQ+ community inspired him to write one of his songs called… Loser.
In other LGBTQ+ news we wish weren’t, Lena Dunham faced backlash after joking that she wants to have her casket driven through NYC Pride parade. Not sure who claimed her but it wasn’t us!
Kim Kardashian has seemingly always had an eye for clinging to whoever will give her the fame and popularity she craves (see: Paris Hilton, Kanye West, Pete Davidson, just to name a few). Now she allegedly has her eyes on Florence Pugh after obsessing over her performance in Don’t Worry Darling.
We weren’t even sure whether to include this as to not add fuel to the fire, but by now everyone has probably seen the undeniably cringe performance by Kanye West and right-wing commentator Candace Owens wearing “White Lives Matter” shirts at his fashion show in Paris.
It’s becoming increasingly unclear whether this is just part of “New Kanye” or a sign of his spiralling mental health - maybe both - but it seems he’s been on a bit of a manic roll this week with celebrities telling him to essentially get off the internet. When he came after Vogue editor Gabriella Karefa-Johnson, Gigi Hadid was one of the people calling him out online:
If the cheating scandal wasn’t enough, the now disowned Try Guy Ned ruined the group’s end goal of a prime time TV show with the Food Network: After the scandal broke, Food Network moved the final episode of No Recipe Road Trip with the Try Guys to air on the morning of Friday, Sep. 31, effectively burying it in their schedule.
Some good news coming your way: Velma from Scooby-Doo has officially been confirmed as lesbian - funny considering the original voice actress for Velma is a lesbian and, I mean, there’s this clip:
We’re leaving you to enjoy the rest of your Sunday with this Mean Girls reference by none other than President Joe Biden:
CRINGE MEME
This week’s meme goes out to animators who had some fun with the all-blue background of the Tory party conference:
That’s it for this week! Feel free to let us know what cringe content, memes, and headlines you’ve been enjoying lately. Until then, we’ll see you in your inbox next Sunday!
Your Cringe Team x