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US restaurant owners are adding a ‘disruptive kids fine’ onto bills, Homer Simpson stops strangling Bart & one of Amazon’s offices is a former prison
The best cringe news of the past week according to yours truly.
We’re knee-deep in Cringe work and get more excited to share the next issue with you with each item ticked off our to-do list. On Friday, we had the chance to show off some back copies during UAL’s first Intercultural Zine Exchange and Publishing Fair, which our Editor-in-Chief (hi!) and founder of ual.amazines co-hosted at Peckham Levels. This means we are now sold out of issue 5, with just 1 copy left of issue 3 and 8 copies left of issue 4. Get your hands on them before they’re all gone forever (resting in peace in our project files).
Now without further ado, let’s get into this week’s newsletter:
WYR a criminal said you taught her the true meaning of girl power or have your boyfriend and sibling’s partner stolen by the same girl?
Georjia: Rough options, can’t lie. Gypsy Rose was a victim but she still got a vulnerable guy to kill her mother for her. But her saying that I’m the reason she knows the true meaning of girl power? Huge compliment, what did I do to deserve this honour? Having not just your boyfriend stolen but also your sibling’s boyfriend too by the SAME girl? Give the girl some props, honestly. Like good work for achieving that. You could cry together if that happened. But I do think being Gypsy Rose’s girl power icon is, well, iconic. I’d do that!
Annika: Trying to wrap my head around this whole love triangle drama is turning me into the math lady/confused lady meme. If it’s already causing me pain just thinking about it, I don’t know how my already confused mix of emotions would deal with it in real life. Regarding the first option, one would probably inquire further about the caveats here: Are we talking about a criminal who robbed a bank? Murdered someone? Got caught during a heist into Jeff Bezos’ mansion? I believe in rehabilitation. If I can be an inspiration to someone who suffered long before they were incarcerated, that doesn’t seem like such a bad deal. On the other hand, what if they ‘meet their hero’ (me) and inevitably get so disappointed, I’m undoing all kind of empowerment my image gave them? For someone who’s been through so much already, I wouldn’t want to add to that. I’d rather have the same girl steal my boyfriend and my sibling’s partner. Kudos to them honestly! Seems like a lot of emotional work; clearly our partners weren't the right fit for our family anyway.
Christopher: It's always interesting to look at the media tastes of terrible people. Charles Manson was obsessed with The Beatles; Osama Bin Laden had a copy of Necessary Illusions by Noam Chomsky. You can't choose your fans, but if hateful people love your work, then I think you have a responsibility to ask yourself why.
That said, not all criminals are equal, and the Gypsy Rose Blanchard case is truly upsetting. Given the abuse she suffered and the ways in which she was failed by the authorities, I think I'd be happy to be told that something I wrote made her feel a bit less alone.
Have you been replaying this clip of Taylor Swift running towards Travis Kelce in the hopes that it might manifest something for you? Re-fluffing your pillows all weekend as if sleeping for 2 days straight will solve all your problems? Need something to bring you back to earth to get through the last 7 weeks in 2023? No worries friend, we got you.
Here are our favourite headlines you can bring up during conversations you’d rather not have:
Starting off with some context for this week’s Would you Rather:
At this point we should just create a Swiftie section: Murderer and victim of her mother’s Munchausen by proxy Gypsy Rose Blanchard said that she wants to meet Taylor Swift at an NFL game after her prison release as she’s “taught her the true meaning of girl power.”
The second part of our WYR refers to a complicated crossover of reality TV show love triangles, Love Island and Married at First Sight, where a Love Island contestant stormed off set after she found out that the sister of someone’s partner she was in a love triangle with on MAFS was to join the cast. As explained by our pop culture expert in residence Georjia:
So Brontë and Harrison were coupled up on MAFS. At their wedding, a guest revealed that Harrison had a girlfriend (Abby) that chases their divorce. 6 months later, Brontë’s sister goes on Love Island and couples up with Reid. Reid reveals he slept with Brontë but they get over it. Abby gets sent in as a bombshell and couples up with Reid.
So Abby has stolen Brontë’s husband and Kirra’s boyfriend, meaning Abby has stolen each sister’s partner.
We recently learned about Tokyo’s first annual 'space-out competition’, where about 100 competitive daydreamers gathered to participate. Huge fan of number 16 in the facemask:
The end of an era (that era being violence against kids for comedic effect in The Simpsons): Homer Simpson has stopped strangling his son Bart, as he announced on an episode that ‘times have changed’.
Girls get it done: Besides our amazement that their worlds ever crossed over, it’s pretty incredible to witness former Dance Moms star and performer JoJo Siwa carrying Vanderpump Rules villain Tom Sandoval on her back in an episode of Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test (after Nick Viall struggled to fulfil the task himself).
Restaurant owners in the US are adding a ‘disruptive kids fine’ onto bills to punish ‘adults unable to parent’. Good reminder that the US doesn’t just hate poor people, they also hate children!
This week’s palate cleanser: Some great signs from the New York marathon.
A big W for a former teacher who has been able to pay off all her debt and loans by making nearly $1 million through OnlyFans in less than 6 months:
“Missouri is one of the lowest states in the nation for teacher pay.”
“The district I was working for is also one of the lowest paying districts in the state. I feel like times are tough. I have student loans. I have multiple degrees in education, and it would be helpful for extra money.”
Never seen anything more on-brand than one of Amazon’s offices in the Netherlands being a former prison. It even resembles a panopticon design.
Sad day for perverts: Omegle has officially closed after years of misuse. Founder Leif K-Brooks said:
“Operating Omegle is no longer sustainable, financially nor psychologically. Frankly, I don’t want to have a heart attack in my 30s.”
That’s it for this week! Feel free to let us know what cringe content, memes, and headlines you’ve been enjoying lately. Until then, we’ll see you in your inbox next Sunday!
Your Cringe Team x