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The Katy PERRY anti-scamming bill to combat elder financial abuse, David Beckham calls out wife for calling herself working class & locals mourn the murder of iconic Sycamore Gap tree
The best cringe news of the past week according to yours truly.
We may or may not be working on a podcast (cringe, we know). We’ll be recording the first episode next week and are planning to roll them out once a month or bi-weekly for now, depending on how much energy we have after stepping on and off the capitalist treadmill (our day jobs). Long-time Cringe friend Rob kindly offered to produce it for us, the legend.
Stay tuned for our first episode where we’ll be discussing one of our favourite Would You Rathers, what embarrassing things happened to us lately and what inspires our next issue.
Now without further ado, let’s get into this week’s newsletter:
WYR have an anti-scamming bill named after you or having to sue Disney because their water slide gave you an in injurious wedgie?
Georjia: If I had an anti-scamming bill named after me, would I become the new Anna Delvey? She seems to be doing just fine after her jail time. She’s probably thriving and most likely earning more money than she scammed in the first place. Pressing charges on Disney because of a wedgie so bad it caused catastrophic damages to my body doesn’t sound very fun. With the way Disney is trying to play things off as “just a wedgie” when the girl came out of the event with not just a wedgie but organ damage is very bizarre. Call me a scammer, I’ll take that over a wedgie any day.
Annika: I feel like the only person who would choose the injurious wedgie over the anti-scamming bill would be someone from the cast of Jackass. Then again, although self-injury might only be fun to the masochists among us, at least the pain is temporary? What I’m trying to say is that there’s another way to read this question: Would you rather be such a bad person with a track record of scamming the eldery, that there’s a bill named after you to prevent it from happening again, or go on a water slide that ends up injuring you in such obvious ways you are entitled to financial compensation? I am no doubt naive about the immense pain this must’ve caused, but I’d rather suffer temporarily than live with the shame of an anti-scamming (the elderly!!!) bill named after me.
Ellen: I would definitely rather have an anti-scamming bill named after me. The thought of having to sue a major corporation like Disne, just feels incredibly tedious and more painful, especially with exploded intestines. Even though scamming is awful, I would be able to make a mean buck and be written into law. A quicker way to infamy than having life-threatening injuries from a water slide.
Is the slow return of cuffing season making you itch to go on dates again? Need some stories and memes to scroll through in the inevitable event of having to wait for them? Maybe even some conversational fodder to rescue you when you’ve exhausted your conversation about how hard dating is? No worries friend, we got you.
Here are our favourite headlines you can bring up during conversations you’d rather not have:
This week’s Would You Rather references 2 stories involving the law:
A new bill named 'The Katy PERRY Act' has been proposed which aims to combat elder financial abuse. The name is inspired by the ongoing legal dispute between Katy Perry and Carl Westcott over the purchasing of his estate when he was on painkillers from back surgery, which we have talked about in a previous newsletter.
Without context, ‘Woman sues Disney for $50K over 'injurious wedgie' on waterslide at Typhoon Lagoon in birthday trip gone wrong’ makes for a silly headline, if you don’t mention the fact that the injury was so severe that her intestines protruded through her abdominal wall and she - obviously - had to be hospitalised.
Large companies really have too much money to waste on legal action: EasyJet owner sues Easy Life to force the band to change their name.
You might already be familiar with this infamous clip of Matt Hancock belting out Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen during karaoke at the Tory Party conference party in 2018. As it’s party conference season again, the latest Popbitch had an additional little nugget of gossip to share:
“Every year, the Tory conference tends to land on or around Matt Hancock's birthday (Oct 2nd). So just before Matt launched into that infamous performance, the entire room had been singing a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday to him.
At the instruction of Matt Hancock – who started the singalong himself.”
A headline in honour and reference of our next theme PLEASURE: Nicole Scherzinger: ‘One of my favourite British things is the roasts. Last Sunday I had two’
Ever heard of a tree crime? A 16-year old boy and a farmer were arrested this week on suspicion of felling the 300-year-old Sycamore Gap tree in the north of England. Commenting on the vandalism, Andrew Poad, general manager at the National Trust, said:
“We have ups and downs [with members of the public] but not to a degree anyone would do something like this. It’s a reason better known to themselves.”
Staff at the visitor centre were reportedly in tears when finding out about the news. The tree had been a scene of marriage proposals, sentimental moments and the scattering of ashes. Luckily, National Trust manager Andrew Poad said the stump was "healthy" and they might be able to coppice the tree, although it may take 200 years for it to get back to where it was. Both suspects have been released on bail as the police continue their investigations.
This week’s palate cleanser: Martin Scorsese’s daughter asking him to guess the meaning of different slang words and phrases.
One of our favourite oopsies of this week is David Beckham calling out his own wife for calling herself and her family ‘working class’ - when her dad drove her to school in a Rolls Royce.
Latest micro-celebrity spotting: Tube Girl filming a video at the Valentino SS24 show with Penn Badgley casually walking by.
This week’s meme goes out to a genius protest staged by Just Stop Oil:
That’s it for this week! Feel free to let us know what cringe content, memes, and headlines you’ve been enjoying lately. Until then, we’ll see you in your inbox next Sunday!
Your Cringe Team x