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Nigel Farage eating animal testicles for good PR, MP appointed “Minister of Common Sense” & George Santos spends campaign money on Botox, Sephora and OnlyFans content
The best cringe news of the past week according to yours truly.
We’re getting closer and closer to revealing the new cohort of (over 30!!!) Cringe contributors. Keep an eye on our Instagram for the reveal. x
Until then, let’s get into this week’s newsletter:
WYR be parodied for promoting your movie or get caught spending things on your company card?
Georjia: Even though this seems easy, I’m still weighing out my options. I like to think that I have a good sense of humour so being parodied isn’t so much of an issue to me. Did I deserve to be parodied? Did parodies go out of style back in 2014 after thousands of music video parodies bombarded the internet? SNL do parodies every week and are they funny? Being caught spending on the company card isn’t so bad if it’s something small. Just say you made a mistake and pay it back. Depends what I’m spending it on is the most embarrassing part. I’d rather be parodied.
Annika: Did you ever meet someone in school who would repeat what someone just said to show them how dumb they sounded to them? It doesn’t feel too dissimilar to Nathan Fielder and Emma Stone’s parody of Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney’s Anyone But You promo. In both cases, what makes us cringe is the sudden self-consciousness injected by whoever is making the joke. Surely spending money on your company card is a bigger crime than being cringe - especially when what makes us cringe is an inevitable part of being human. Spending thousands on Botox and OnlyFans content? Doesn’t seem so inevitable to me. Parody me bitch!
Evelyn: My impressive inability to understand whether someone is laughing with me or at me makes the concept of being parodied a full-body cringe-inducing thought. Seriously, you give me any freedom to read into something and you may as well put me on the next influencer boxing event fighting Amy Schumer on the undercard. Any press is good press, I guess? Being caught splashing the cash on the company card however; that's something I'd love to say that I'd own but in reality, when the statement comes through and everyone finds out I've been dropping investment level cash on expensive sushi platters and festive jellycat toys... not sure I'd live that one down quite so well. Do I get to be parodied by Emma Stone too? If so, I'm pretty confident I can put a 'lil concealer over the bruising on my ego and accept my earnest promotion becoming comedic cannon fodder.
Evelyn is one of our contributors for issue 6 - keep an eye on our Instagram to find out when our new issue is coming out so you can read their poem ‘An Ode to Plums and Williams’.
In the meantime, get to know them on Instagram to keep up with future creative work <3
Are you tired from deleting all your Black Friday emails? Stressed about entering a new season of Christmas shopping? Want to stay on one tab for a while to enjoy this rollercoaster ride of cringe news we’ve prepared for you? No worries friend, we got you.
Here are our favourite headlines you can bring up during conversations you’d rather not have:
This week’s Would You Rather references
Nathan Fielder and Emma Stone going viral for parodying an Anyone But You promo clip by Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney for their own show The Curse.
George Santos – the perfect queer villain? – using campaign money on Botox, OnlyFans content, Sephora and a $4,127.80 purchase at Hermès.
Yikes, looks like we spoke too soon: Even though Homer announced that “times have changed” and he won’t strangle Bart anymore, The Simpsons co-creator James L. Brooks has now told People that Homer will continue after all:
“Don’t think for a second we’re changing anything… Nothing’s getting tamed… He’ll continue to be strangled — [if] you want to use that awful term for it. He’ll continue to be loved by his father in a specific way.”
You might have seen Louis Theroux’ recent interview with Pete Doherty from the Libertines. Whether you grew up listening to them or only just discovered them during one of the many recurring trend cycles, the latest Popbitch has an extra nugget for you, revealing that Pete used to use New Zealand butter to slip drugs up his arse before court cases.
If he can do it, so can you: Snoop Dogg says he's giving up 'smoke’ and asks for privacy at this difficult time.
“I’m a politician … detoxify me!” - Strange to see how disgraced politicians are treating I’m a Celebrity like social rehab. Now Nigel Farage, former leader of the Brexit party, UKIP and former member of the European Parliament, will be eating animal testicles in the hopes of getting some Tories on his side. The Guardian writes:
The GB News presenter, who was reportedly offered a record £1.5m to take part in the show, has said he had been “demonised” for standing against an establishment view, and he hoped “those who hate me might hate me a little bit less” afterwards.
Reminder that every celeb in the first season got the same flat fee of £15,000.
If the Tories weren’t so fucking evil, they’d be better comedy writers than some of the guys on SNL: They recently appointed a “Minister of Common Sense”, tasked with leading the Conservative party’s anti-woke agenda. Who’s the lucky bearer of the title you may ask? Esther McVey MP, previous host of Britain’s Fox News equivalent, GB News.
This week’s palate cleanser: Steve-O shows off his Monster Munch tattoo.
“This is a hearing” - Bernie Sanders had to stop 2 senators from fighting each other. Yeah, really. (One of them is a former undefeated MMA fighter)
We were actually at peace with Succession ending - but then Leo DiCaprio comes around and raps on his birthday like he’s Kendall Roy.
This week’s meme goes out to some legendary IKEA PR agent who recreated Balenciaga’s recent idiotic towel-skirt cash grab:
That’s it for this week! Feel free to let us know what cringe content, memes, and headlines you’ve been enjoying lately. Until then, we’ll see you in your inbox next Sunday!
Your Cringe Team x